Things are going pretty well now. Each new assignment I get is challenging as they are all different. Some more so, but even those with similarities have subtle differences that are easy to overlook and get careless over. Yet, I look forward to working on them. I think I'm at a very nice stage of my career where the full weight of the usual workload has not been dumped onto our shoulders... yet; I have time to explore, to make mistakes, to ask questions. If anything, I'd like to take on as much challenging work as I can now, when I can still make the excuse of being too fresh if I make mistakes. Better than doing it next time, when I may have to justify the experience that I got; which would instead impede me from moving forward and growing.

Looking back, I'm almost embarrassed at my previous 2 posts, on the verge of deleting them. They make me look bad and whiny. But it's a reminder of how fickle human emotions are. Memories don't last, experiences keep evolving. And above all, a reminder of God's faithfulness. I like my manager a lot, she's really patient and fair in her work. I wonder when I reach her stage if I could be as patient as her. Maybe I'd be a stuck-up jackass who things a world of myself and refuse to look out for those under me. I'm thankful to all my other colleagues too who take the time to answer questions that I feel are silly as soon as they leave my mouth.

If I were to state where would I like to be in X number of years... of course, it would be fashionable to be all high-achieving and say I would like to make manager/director/partner. To be honest, I always expect a lot of myself. In fact, I expect to achieve things that I don't even feel I deserve. Only by God's grace I have achieved what I have today. But moving forward, I decide that that should not underpin my direction. Instead of saying I would like X position in Y number of years, I just want to learn as much as I can; with all the variety of knowledge that the diverse companies can teach me, and to learn how to cope, and excel with the other associated things expected of us as professionals such as managing workflow and finding favour with our clients.

Money, of course is always nice, so is position and being beyond my peers. But at every point, I want to be somewhere where I have grown sufficiently to belong. I don't want to take shortcuts. If I have to wait, I pray for the patience and grace to. If I am to move on, I pray for humility and prudence.

It's the end of the first week and things haven't gone all that well. Work's a lot tougher than I imagined. More than being able to appreciate the tax concepts, I think the biggest challenge will be to manage the portfolio. I'm lucky to just have around a dozen companies but already I feel the management overwhelms my brain; being able to prioritize the cases, meeting all the deadlines when they do come, having a sufficient grasp of the case when I'm questioned about it in future.. It's all a bit much. I certainly underestimated it. To top it all off I'm working on something I feel is next to impossible. Even though I trust I'd get past this, things just seem really big right now. I can't see ahead of me anymore. Time to seek God and His favour as I move forward.

Hajime

Today is my first day of work at EY and it is the beginning of a new season of my life. For the past 10 years or so, I have worked towards my goal of being an accountant and am thankful for all the blessings I received in my life that got here today.

Over the past few months, certain events and experiences have also made me question what I want in my life. Admittedly, for the longest time, the goal of being an accountant was towards a career where I earn a decent income. Although it would be nice to make so much that I have to trouble my head over what to do with it all, I can also get by with much less, and hence I was just looking forward to having the ability to acquire things in my life that I want which I thought would provide me the fulfilment I was looking for.

Evaluating this perspective, I considered that I could be rather mistaken. Academic research and my own experiences have shown me that such satisfaction could only be temporal. It's interesting, and very tragic to see how fast we can get over the feeling of joy and satisfied longing so quickly after obtaining something.

What then, should my goal in life be? Should I chase experiences? I had a wonderful time travelling since my exams ended. Over the past 2 months since my exams ended I have been to Japan, Hong Kong, Korea, Taiwan, Malaysia and Cambodia. It's funny how I used to think travelling is little but a real drag. It has really taught me a lot of things; how systems so different from ours here can still be entirely functional; a greater appreciation for cultures other than our own (which was never much to brag about in the first place); the ability to communicate using language etc.

What exactly do I want? I don't know, and I would like to find out. Something more concrete - I enjoyed the first day of training at EY, I'm happy how the firm thinks about how to make things better and come up with new ways of doing things. It makes me think about the position I want to be at next time, and whether I would be able to think of things like that and put it through with action. That's a still long way off and for now I should just focus on being extremely good at my craft.

Gotta keep my head up.