Wabi-sabi

Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.

I had interesting conversations with 2 people today. Just some small talk, really, since we were going to be stuck with each other for about an hour or so. Well, I thought that's what normal humans do when faced with such situations. Then, like most conversations you have (or at least I have) with people I don't really know, it somehow ends up becoming a session where we start to complain about something (misery sure likes company!). The weather was really really hot (FIRST BLOOD. boring, I know!) and that we work pretty long hours (so that easily drew a reaction, hey! see, I'm pretty good at this social thing).

It struck me, that both of them (actually they were bus drivers that I was assigned to follow) swelled with pride when they were describing their children and their achievements. You know, those drool-ey, pesky, noisy martians that grow up to rat-a-tat on their keyboards while you're trying to get some sleep at midnight typing silly things nobody bothers about, doing stupid dangerous things like cycling on roads, and turning across traffic without checking sufficiently to cause screeching of brakes, burning of rubber and scenes of your life flashing through your mind. I'd think they should talk about more important things! Like how many kms they cycle a week and the fastest downslope around.

Maybe I just have to learn to love more. After all, it says in the bible somewhere that we should love our neighbours. Not just the wonderful neighbours who give lifts to the bus stop, and the ones who give you a treat on your birthday even after moving out a decade ago, but everybody; people who I don't feel like caring about, people whom I'd never see again, people who I don't really have to talk to.

Perhaps the brutally practical side causes me to sometimes be unable to appreciate transience. And if I am unable to do something well, I'd be better off not doing it?

Dear God, please help me see that everything and everyone you've placed in my life is for a reason.

24/02/10

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

The past week went by with me thinking that if I didn't mess up on each day, it would be considered a good day. It seemed like the waves of bad things wouldn't stop coming. Although I was with people I really enjoyed being with, my mind would be a million miles away. It got to the point that I could have gotten 9 hours of sleep a night and have someone tell me the next day that I looked tired.

Nobody told me that I'd get andropause when I hit 21.

I think while I was sleeping last night, some gnomes came by and plugged my battery into the wall socket. The work day ended with and I think that God must really go out of His way for me. Everything started to fall in place.

Sometimes (usually the better days) it feels to me that the only thing worthwhile doing is to make someone else's day better. To my family that really goes out of their way every time for me, to my friends who still care for me despite my mistakes and even the people I come across at work and would probably never see again. And then there are times that I find myself taking my family for granted, I have no time for friends who make space for me in their calenders, and I become endothermic. Thanks everyone for putting up with me.

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine

Dear God, please be the sunshine when it rains in my heart.