The stewardess came to check on me again. This time she sat next to me and asked if I was all right.
"I'm fine, thanks," I said with a smile. "Just feeling kind of blue."
"I know what you mean," she said. "It happens to me, too, every once in a while."
She stood and gave me a lovely smile. "Well, then, have a nice trip. Auf Wiedersehen."

Haruki Murakami - Norwegian Wood

It was a kind of blue week. Is this the quarter life crisis already, at 7 months of work? No way, right??

I hate feeling like that, but at the same time, I didn't take any steps to make myself feel any better. Everyday was a routine. Sometimes, such blerch feelings feel strangely cathartic. Just look around your Facebook newsfeed, there are some people who seem to be the embodiment of blerch themselves.

But something had to give, I could not go on feeling like that. It's ridiculous, isn't it? If there was something wrong with where I am now, something I am dissatisfied with; I should fix it. If there was absolutely nothing, then why am I allowing myself to feel like this?

Sometimes (all the time), I live my life with so many blind spots, they would qualify as blind areas, heck. Blind radii, even. That's why I always hope I have friends who love me enough to be brutally honest and tell me what they really think about me. Had a WhatsApp chat with Fion at lunchtime, and it helped me iron out the thought process I should adopt when it comes to my career. It's nice having a senior who is patient and cares enough to talk to me about this.

Reading my earlier posts (the previous 3), I realise that nothing in the area of my work has gotten worse. If anything, everything's improved tremendously; I am able to manage my work, I love my colleagues and my clients and I think the people I work with have generally a good impression of my work. So what then, what changed? Me. Fickleness does that to me sometimes.

I'm not going to take myself out of this environment. I'm going to think about how I can excel in this environment even more. Work faster, be more responsive to my clients and deadlines, proactively manage my work.

I am going to be so damn good at what I do that if I ever leave, all of you are going to miss me.