28/12/09

Yesterday celebrated Val's 21st in the wrong year. Glad we're still in contact after graduating from secondary school so long ago. I'll wish you happy birthday again on your real birthday!

Just had dinner with Pam. Sorry to make you rush off and then get late for your discussion! I wonder how Koreans manage to remain so slim on TV and movies when they have so much to eat. I nearly killed her with my fantastically wrapped pork belly LettUce dumpling. Poor Pam. Udders was as good as I remembered it and I'm glad to see that they ignored the votes to invent the Prata and Yong Tau Foo flavour.

Thanks for the yummy muffins! Beary Christaas =)

23/12/09

Dear Santa,

Could you give me a new back for Christmas? Mine doesn't feel so good today. Sitting at Bedok jetty watching the sun go to sleep behind the clouds gave me a very comforting feeling. The sea breeze made the wonderful invention of air conditioning insignificant. I could have gone on sitting there for a long time but let the darkening sky cajole me into returning.

21/12/09

The other day, we went out from the car and my partner realised we had forgotten to bring the camera along. Returning to the car, I remarked, "When you act, you need the props". The comment didn't mean much then. Perhaps I heard it somewhere before. It seemed to be an appropriate joke then.

I didn't think too much about it. If I revisited every comment that spent less than a half a second percolated in my brain before it came out, I would be kept busy. Watching Noriko's Dinner Table (2005) just brought that incident back into my mind.

Being so immersed in acting that you are able to feel the sensations your character feels and completely forgetting yourself must be acting of the highest level. It was chilling, even, to watch as the characters part of the "family-circles" take on their persona.

After watching it, it dawned on me that what I do isn't all that different. Putting on the uniform each shift I transform into someone else. This character that is part my own construct based on what I think people's expectations of me are, and when they let me know quite overtly what they are. The procedures part is pretty easy - usually watching what my more experienced colleagues do and taking bits here and there and combining it to become my own. Knowing what I have to do aside, the bit that troubles me more is who I am supposed to be. What do I tell the person who has been telling me all the things that are going wrong in their marriage with a mixture of words, tears and snot? I don't know if it's more cruel - to tell the person that if there's nothing more that I am legally and procedurally obliged and empowered to assist I'll take my leave, or stand there with an earnest look plastered on my face while giving careful, calculated replies which I think will make that person feel better when my heart's circuit breaker had been already triggered and feeling disgusted at my hypocrisy.

In situations like that where things aren't A or B (they never are), the basis of my decisions and actions so far has been whether I am able to make that person feel better. Another dilemma presents itself, whether to fulfil this principle, had I told an untruth or led that person to having certain expectations which will eventually be shattered.

That's the circle of life... just like the numbers after 3.14 in pi continue without end, real circles can never be perfect. But if you draw a circle with a compass and a big fat marker, a thick outline will make it seem perfect

14/12/09

I was deployed to partner the most difficult person to work with, did not eat anything after breakfast, had to bring this guy who pissed his pants back to station, felt my throat in flames yelling at people/through doors to evacuate neighbours from a fire, found out that old people are really 10-year-olds with white hair when you try to make them do something they don't want to, had to STAND-by the fire scene for 4 hours, found my car's battery was dead after it was causing a jam, made someone yell at me "turn on your hazard light!", had to attend a call 7 minutes before I was supposed to knock off, had to bring someone back to station and finished work 2 hours later.

But that person was on leave, breakfast was a HUGE packet of nasi lemak, there's always newspapers, nobody got sick from the smoke, in the end they listened to the real kid (in uniform), I didn't have to see another dead body, my colleague brought the car booster to me, I didn't have to yell back, my colleague offered to go for it instead, that person was quite a lot of fun to talk to and taught me how to make beer battered fish and chips.

It isn't that difficult to on normal days to feel like I'm on top of things, have a little fun, but when it hits the fan, I think that's what really defines people - to be able to show fortitude of character when everyone else bolts. It makes a difference when someone you know is going through a tough patch but still takes the effort to smile, laugh at their own jokes and break out into Beyonce's Single Ladies in the car ad lib.

And that's why I'm proud to be from Delta.

Mitsuo Aida

Because it has lived its life intensely,
the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by.
The flowers merely flower,
and they do this as well as they can.
The white lily, blooming unseen in the valley,
does not need to explain itself to anyone;
it lives merely for beauty.
Man, however, cannot accept that ‘merely’.

If tomatoes wanted to be melons,
they would look completely ridiculous.
I am always amazed
that so many people are concerned
with wanting to be what they are not;
what’s the point of making yourself look ridiculous?

You don’t always have to pretend to be strong,
there’s no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you shouldn’t be concerned about what other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,
It’s good to cry out all your tears
(because only then will you be able to smile again).

Is it really okay? To let others know that you aren't as strong as they thought? I try my best to be thankful for what I have. To me, what I can do for myself and the people around me, is to not make anyone have to worry for me. In thinking that people should not have to think about me maybe I've forgotten how to think about others as well. Perhaps thinking is the wrong word. Thinking I do pretty well, reducing communication to its constituent elements using my narrow perception, taking what I want and rejecting the rest. I must have hurt many people this way, when they talk to me and and feel like they're talking in an hollow cave because all they hear is their own echoes. It's something I try to wrap my head around a lot, because many of these people are people I truly care about. I don't know if I can give up this bit of selfishness in me, to give up my own emotional amnesia for the ability to truly empathize with people. In a way I've forgotten.

Passion Play

I should not have hid
where my heart can't follow
Cause this grace gets so far
and too hard to swallow
I've been running from Saul,
he's been giving chase
When I look in his eyes,
all I see is my face

Are you still on my back
after all these years?
Chasing my out of hell
and my nice veeners
I don't know how you stand
when you've got no floor
Or how you can breathe
with your hands on boards

I just want to be not what I am today
I just want to be better than my friends might say
I just want a small part in your passion play

Do you hear when I call
in the midst of wrong?
Do you hear these few words
while I sing this song?
Are you caught up in me
like I heard you say?
Or just some big cashier
that I'll have to pay

26/11/09

Caught Gokusen with Pamela today. I think I would have liked it a lot better if I had finished all 3 seasons or if I was a fan of Kamenashi Kazuya as much as the legion of them at the cinema who gave a very loud collective sigh when he appeared. Dinner was great catching up and the dessert we shared triggered a cascading dose of dopamine in my brain :D

And I have to appreciate my f***ing good friend who even after receiving a lethal-blow-to-lesser-friendships type of sms said he'll let me drive his car when daddy doesn't.

Fatty Joshua, tomorrow you get on your bike okay?! Even if there's a huge thunderstorm. If it floods I'll have you swim through it. No more excuses!

06/11/09

I'm going to kick myself for saying this once the time really comes, but right now I really feel that I could do with uni starting. I'm drenched in carefree bliss but I think I could do with having something to do besides watching my weeks go by without achieving anything. Having said that, I never found academic pursuits particularly meaningful anyway and my favourite thing in school was hearing the final school bell. I'm not making sense.

After getting very disappointed with Sofia Coppola's Virgin Suicides, her Lost in Translation (2003) made me do an about turn. The characters' estrangement no doubt in ways led to my above rant. The movie was exquisite in its simplicity and I can't believe I've overlooked the movie until now!

03/11/09

Today I overslept and then it got rainy in the afternoon which meant no riding for me. Instead I caught 2 films which were spun from novels: The Virgin Suicides (1999) & Crying Out Love, In the Center of the World (2004).

Of the two, I preferred the latter a lot more but I wouldn't dismiss the former. It tells of a neighbourhood focusing on a family with five beautiful girls who are the target of fixation by the boys around them. Their overprotective parents impose on them rules that in ways led to their suicides. Even in their confinement after one of them breaks a curfew, the girls collectively break free in their death. Their relationships with the voyeuristic boys is one of cruelty as satiate the boys' hormone-driven curiosity finally with the first view of their suicide.

In juxtaposition to the licentious and dysfunctional relationships between the teenagers, Crying (2004) was refreshing in its purity as the lead revisists memories of his love in high school as a typhoon descends and other circumstances lead him to do so. There are many parallels between this movie and Norwegian Wood (which should be released next year, I'm looking forward to it!) as both novels are bestsellers in Japan. The movie initially started very slowly but after getting used to the pace, the length was necessary for character development. The twist at the end involving the lead's fiancée brought the story to a satisfying conclusion which is where sometimes heavy-going shows like this falter.

Both movies had beautiful cinematography as they were set in a time before. The Virgin Suicides had homogenous color themes in each scene and not jarringly so, it added an artistic touch to the cinematography. Crying was also beautiful as it visited the countryside in Japan despite it having a more rustic feel

Alive (1993)

After 20 years, you analyze a lot. You remember people, heroism. "The Miracle of the Andes", that's what they called it. Many people come up to me and say that had they been there, they surely would have died. But it makes no sense, because until you're in a... situation like that... you... you have no idea... how you'd behave. To be affronted by solitude without decadence or a... single material thing to prostitute it elevates you to a sprititual plane, where I felt the presence of God. Now, there's the God they taught about me about at school. And there is the God that's hidden by what surrounds us in this civilization. That's the God I met on the mountain.

This film was pretty hard watching. Definitely would revisit this film another time. Although the film is an extremely watered down version of the actual events, it could not have been about the cinematography or the characters chosen or the representation of actual events, that would have been missing the point entirely. It was a celebration of sorts for the human spirit and the will of these guys to live.

30/10/09

Today I completed my first metric century ride! Landed myself at ECP and headed towards Changi Coast Road when the sky threatened and finally rained. There's no end to my fury toward NEA until they get their forecasts right. 11am is beforenoon you guys promised afternoon! Headed to one of the shelters to find 3 people already there. Actually 2 of them looked like they were there ever since their visas expired 3 years ago after swimming from Sabah and realising jobs in Singapore require proper travel documents. Nearby, was a group of a dozen men and two ladies having a picnic under the shade of a tree. When the rain got from a drizzle to a pour they too joined our cosy pavilion and resumed their picnic inside. Despite dressing all sunday casual and surrounding their hoard of snacks of chips and bread with spreads and drinks which included beer, it was easy to tell they were military. First and foremost, it was not sunday, and that's how we passed time and bonded in HTA as well, sans beer, and in real life, people don't call others half their age sir during a picnic, or anywhere else for that matter. Facing the deserted path with the sea behind me, it was impossible not to hear what they were discussing. As far as I could tell, it was all classified top secret stuff. Words like BBQ, paintball, yacht trip and souvenir shoebag kept popping up. These were the elite codetalkers that we thought only existed in Windtalkers (2002), but since they were local, they used colloquial instead of Navajo. I gathered that BBQ was a substitute for interrogation techniques, paintball for SAR21s, yacht trip for sending navy subs and shoebag for real shoebags. So they carried on their important discussion whilst the four of us original residents of the pavilion became unwitting eavesdroppers. Realising they were discovered, the leader of the pack (the one everyone else called sir) offered me chips and asked me if I was from the police (the emblem on my left breast). I assured him I was from NPCC and have not been secretly trying to break their code while politely declining his offer. Realising that the rules of engagement that he's been trained in did not work, he lowered the bag of chips and resumed his discussion while I stared forlornly into space as my bicycle was getting sprayed with rainwater which would require the 3rd cleaning this week (I usuaully clean it once in 3 months). Damned monsoon.

Rain subsided, codetalkers went on their way and I waited a bit more for the puddles to disappear before resuming. Reached the end of ECP and onto the park connector to finally get onto Changi Coast Road.

Ladies and gentlemen on your left is Changi Airport, the right is wilderness and ahead lies 7km of straight tarmac goodness. Now of course, you're wondering why I took the picture from the side when most of the time people take pictures of big long roads from the middle. Of course, you would like to have me straddling my bicycle whilst holding my camera in the middle of 4 lanes which has a speed limit of 70km/h but has the very inspiring sight of aeroplanes taking off showing people how fast they really should be going.

I trudged on and made it to the extreme east of Singapore where ice lollies grow on trees and there are springs of 100plus (by this time my body was no longer producing perspiration and I think my saliva glands had all but died).

Imagine my dismay when all that greeted me were people with nothing better to do just like me and a water fountain that is piped all the way from the Sahara. Across the deep blue ocean was Brian's seaside villa.

I then made my way home to wash my bike for the 3rd time this week but not before signing off on the guestbook for all who ever made it (and those who didn't)

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e146/amiss89/IMG_9165.jpg <- click on link to see it maximized.

Too many times we try to describe the life with a row of digits, bring a moment down to statistics, measure success with the number of kilometers cycled. It became well established, that a bunch of numbers is required in every summary even if they express the spirit of the expedition in the worst possible way.

26/10/09

I finally got the reflective triangle of noobness! The wait in between the practice and test was terrible; being in the same room with testees who just finished and were being incinerated by their fire breathing testers for the debrief. The tester that I got was affable enough and thankfully my nerves did not get in the way. *jumps around*

21/10/09

Today I was conned by NEA weather forecast again :( At 2pm it put little thunderclouds all over Singapore so I didn't to go ECP/Changi Coast and set out for Kranji-LCK when it showed cloudy at 5pm. Still remember the ride when I first got my bike and Justin brought me to the same route. I happily hit the big gears and kept up with him until muscle fatigue set in and then I would probably have been faster walking. Was totally winded when I reached home and I thought my respiratory system was collapsing when it hurt just to breathe. 6 months later I relive the joust with big trucks on the one lane stretches for space and get inundated by the smell of the farms at LCK.

18/10/09

What does it mean when you tell someone you're a Christian? I hope that for me, the reaction is nothing like when I tell people I'm an Indian.

God, please take the plank out of my eyes and give me a mirror instead.

I thank God for giving me 2 lovely parents who continually keep me in prayer even when I seldom do much praying myself. Also for our weekly meetings that I take for granted where we do bible study, share our week, upcoming week and uphold each other in prayer. Something I've taken for granted and am sorry to have.

Registrations for 2010 OCBC cycle is up! Initially I thought I was definitely signing up for it since it would be on my weekend off. Now I'm not so sure because after listening to Justin's experience last year it sounds like to get my paws on that national team looking jersey I'm almost definitely going to have to crash at least once. Told my parents about joining and I know they hate it everytime I get on the bicycle from the start but they said they're okay with it if I wanted to go for it. Yay =)

16/10/09

The last time I went to that place I nearly sweared off sushi for the rest of my life after relentlessly eating sushi for the better part of 3 hours. Thank goodness I didn't because sushi is really such a delicious food, even more than rice wrapped in egg okonomiyaki! And now, I take a peek out of my cave to be one step closer to watching Transformers (whoops now even more people know I haven't). Thanks for the company tonight and cookies! =)

14/10/09

Today my belly was filled with pride, amongst a lot of other things, being part of such an amazing bunch of people which belong to team Delta. It took a mustering of courage, teamwork and intestinal fortitude (not to mention a dose of insanity) for the 20 of us there to chalk up a $800 bill at Swensens. When we reached our neck level and the bill was just a paltry $570, it seemed the goal was too far away. But that we did and spectacularly. For such a feat, sacrifices had to be made. Staff were frazzled, belts were loosened and IPPT goals thrown out of the window for us to accomplish such a fantastic feat. We all deserve a vomit-inducing pat on the stomach.

Special thanks to Farhan Räikkönen who raced along at speeds exceeding 100km/h in heavy rain to get me to my driving lesson on time despite not having any wipers on the interior side of the windscreen. I owe you many many Maggi Gorengs (double packet, without vege, add hotdog).

10/10/09

Today's sermon on Daniel struck a chord with me. As my time in NS has reached a sweet lull that would most probably perpetuate till I reach my ORD, it came as a reminder as to how I comport myself during my service. It is then easy to believe, now that I am now able to perform my duties perfunctorily, that all is well when I am where God has positioned me. When we reach the end of the narrative bit of Daniel, it is so that things did go well as Daniel walked with God. However, his time in Babylon was anything but a walk. I used to think of Daniel as a sort of holy rebel, someone with the tenacity to give the finger to any policy which would displease God. If I had taken a closer read then I would have realised that Daniel would have had to be either (a) suicidal or (b) masochistic. He had to make tough decisions and asserted his allegiance to God when it would have been easier to just lie low and hope to weather things through.

What this means for me in the remaining months and even beyond is that I have a choice to continue to let inertia run its course or stand my ground and set a standard for God.

6/10/09

Yesterday's colour must have been green! Glad to see so many people turn up for the class dinner at Modesto's. Halfway, Pam took out something from her bag to give me that left me pammified.

Dictionary: pammified (ˈpăm.mə.faɪd)
adj
1. To stun or paralyze with terror; daze.
2. The resulting feeling from having a cyber pinkie-promise unexpectedly fulfilled by Pamela.
3. To be infatuated with watches from the brand Panerai whose model numbers start with PAM.

Since I far exceed the recommended age, altogether my own assumption, since the suffix '+' indicates no upper limit to the age, I got another unwitting model to pose with it like how they were designed to be from the beginning.

Following dinner naturally came supper - Brian's last as a free man at Chomps. Food was great as always and then he tried to reverse ingestion by going at 120km/h on normal roads.

We set off on what was my only trip to Pulau Tekong today. It did not look bad as I had always imagined it to be but now I know why the acronym POP means so much to those recruits. Brian got into one of the supposedly worst companies to be in so I hope all the best for him. After our Shangri-la buffet served in the cook house, it was time to say goodbye.

2LDK & Brulee

Chanced upon 2 feature-length films over the last couple of days.

2LDK was one of the most gory I've caught in a while. It showed that when switches are flipped and tensions run high, things can get really nasty, really fast. At some point the 2 girls knew there was no turning back and went the whole yard. At the ending when they drove the knives through each others' throats it felt more like they were killing themselves instead. Thanatos would be proud.

Brulee is one of those films where the unspoken said so much more. The twin's fragility and need for each other was endearing. Although the film went to its destination as expected, it was a beautiful journey.

Trust

Yoshio: Everyone has a past and a present. In order to understand that, people have to talk face to face and let their feelings crash into each other.
Chisato: Crash into each other, huh?
Yoshio: Even families can't understand things unless they're put into words. It's even more important if you're not blood-related.
Chisato: But facing another person means that you might hurt each other, or end up hating each other.
Yoshio: No, I think... pretending you understand someone else and not saying anything is a lot worse
Yoshio writes on the ground with a twig ィ(people) 言 (say things)
Yoshio: And that's what makes "trust".

2/7/09

Today was dinner with Elizabeth, Brian and Kiat. At first thought Elizabeth heard something about what Brian said during family camp which led to her organizing dinner today. Turns out that she did after all, but everyone was very open with the whole thing and even if there were things we didn't see eye to eye about, we were able to accept it at the very least. One thing I really hate it to disappoint people, and to see someone's efforts go to waste. Many times I take it for granted that things are the way they are just like that, oblivious to the obvious fact that it takes the effort and heart of many people to get it going. Then, it's equally painful to see that person put in effort and getting all disappointed at the end. There's no such thing as someone who runs on angel's dust and God's love solely, even the most perfect among us has trying times.

Our views on cell were pretty similar, except that she has responsibilities which she assumed toward the cell and its members and a hope for them to change. On the other hand, we just let things be, do not want to get our hands dirty and are pretty nonchalant about the whole cell group.

Almost wanted to skip the dinner because when I was at Brian's shop my chest felt like it was giving way. Probably due to yesterday's ride. Stronger before faster and further I guess!

3

I do not understand what I do. It is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin. I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

I need to

Stop going to togoparts.com
Stop going to chainreactioncycles.com
Stop talking to anyone about cycling
Stop talking to anyone about bicycles
Stop google-ing bike stuff

Because it's eating me

And be content with what I have :)

Cycling trip

We've been talking about it on and off but it never really took off. Ends up that the organization of this trip was just yesterday. Met Radzali at Bukit Timah NPC (we're policemen after all!). By then, I was ready to go home. Bukit Timah road is a crazy intense road in terms of speed and stress from the fast stream of vehicles. Anyhow, went to Little India to meet Kanesh then the sky was really threatening and true enough it started raining. This is the first time my bike touched water so I thought it was the end of the world. Anyhow rode out the rain in McDonalds.

Rain stopped and we set off for Marina Barrage. Passed by the Merlion at the One Fullerton area so like all the other tourists there, stopped to take pics. The road to Marina Barrage is crappy with alot of sand which the big trucks kick up (onto our face and everywhere). Nevertheless, it was worth it because the barrage was beautiful.

Later went to Clementi for chicken rice which was pretty good (by now you should have figured cycling trips is all about the food!). Went home after that as Kanesh has something on in the afternoon.

By then my bike and clothes had mud all over the place. I baby my bike quite alot so it was quite a horror. Anyhow, gave it a good wipe and lube and keeping my fingers crossed that it will be okay for many such rides like this one to come. It was fun!

hisashiburi

Went to the NAFA theatre today to catch the play: Of dreams, life, and friendship. The theatre itself brought back a lot of memories which were some of my happiest. Playing with the NAFA orchestra some 3 years back at the very same location would be something I'd lock in my heart forever. For me, it was my first public performance, but more than that, it was the peak of my love for the violin and the beauty of all the orchestral instruments coming up from around you rather than in front of you is something very special.

Back to the play! Quanrung didn't leave my ticket under a flower pot after all but sent a really sweet note with it. Seeing little people utter complicated Mandarin faster than my brain could decipher was quite humbling. I am living testimony that 'A' Level Chinese is squat. The themes of the 4 plays were pretty dark though, even despite the occasional comic relief. Anyway, the efforts of all the little people (and not so little people) shone through as they put up a convincing performance and noticed a few teary-eyed after the performance.

P.S: Quanrung, my Mandarin isn't that koyak I managed to catch most of the conversation!! *beams with pride* Glad to see you after a little more than a year =)

12/3/09

Today I finally got to eat okonomiyaki!!! It didn't really taste all that awesome but I wasn't really expecting it to. But it's definitely great to finally eat it after watching Hana Kimi in 2007 where Ashiya and Nakatsu ate at this restaurant where they could cook it themselves and again Maki acting in Teppan Shojo Akane where she is the chef of a Teppan restaurant. A little disappointed that they didn't have ramune but I guess it's not good to have all your wishes fulfilled in a day! Will definitely go back :)

Watched Marley and Me which was my first Hollywood film in about a year I think (was reminded of how long it has been seeing the 20th century fox thingy at the start). I enjoyed it alot too!

Grabbed a whole bunch of people yesterday to watch Departures. The show was pretty good as well but enjoyed the company! Thanks all who came and sorry Kev for having you sit at the end of the row!

20... Day 2

Today should be the last day it feels like my birthday. Went out for lunch with Kevin which he was really nice to treat for my birthday =) Caught up with his family a bit which was nice too like the good 'ol days *shucks I'm really old now :(*

Turning 20..

I didn't think somebody would be able to surprise me twice in 4 days. This just shows what a trusting person I am. It was an Amazing Race in the national library to find my birthday card. Only the host wasn't Phil Keoghan but ASHLEY NG XIN NING. Sorry for being late and causing you all the distress.

After that we tried the Singapore flyer. Passed it a zillion times but that cannot compare to someone who "saw it being built". Anyway, for those who haven't been, it's very tourist-ified but it was pretty fun to be sooo high up. Didn't really feel as long as half an hour either. Wanted to go late evening to see the sunset but wasn't late enough and the sun was hiding behind clouds! Anyway, for all those camwhores in you or camwhores personified, the Singapore flyer is the place to be!

20... Day -1

The postman came today to deliver a letter from LOO QUANRUNG. Thanks for the card! Funny how you can make something like that naughty.

Lunch was at this Korean restaurant really near my place. I don't remember eating Korean food before and am not exactly a fan but the food was pretty good to me and the price was very good.

After the pizza plan was cancelled because of having eaten too much pizzas already, Beatrice decided to bring me to Sweet Indulgence. Got lost multiple times on the way there due to a retarded GPS but made it there anyhow. The food was good and luckily we shared the dessert otherwise I think the chocolate would have scarred my throat and make me mute for a while.

20... Day -3

Today was awesome awesome.

Watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with Xin Ning. Some food for thought, since I don't think backwards that much. Brad Pitt took on the role pretty well, especially the parts where he played a an old man with the heart of a child confined in the physical limits of an old man.

After that went to Timbre. Really didn't see it coming, that's why I drank until I got so tipsy already. Then the whole gang came. Really nice surprise. Thanks Xin Nin, Tze Kiat, Brian, Vincent, Naomi, Dean!

Under Pressure

The title of the play I caught yesterday by Hwa Chong's drama club elddfs. Actually I was never keen in plays and just got a ticket to support Kellie who was doing the sales for it. Am I really really glad I got to catch it. It was a musical and the cast had really really good singing voices. They managed to make very cliched themes very very very very very *runs out of breath* very entertaining. Instead of feeling like it was a favour to Kellie, it feels like she did me a really big favour instead :)

7/2/09

Went to Beatrice's church today which was a presbyterian church. After going to an anglican church all my life maybe I was expecting to see aliens or people with 7 fingerso on each hand there. Turns out that it isn't all that different. Perhaps they don't have bass guitars or guitar amps. Since we're all God's children we can't be that different heh (unless someone's adopted). Sermon seemed to be directed at me though, being about having more fellowship with people (especially christians) to encourage them in hope and love. That's something that I don't even struggle with because I simply don't bother. Even talking to fellow christians I don't usually talk about christian stuff or in a christian manner. Much less non-christians.

After that had dinner and went to Daily Scoop but it was really really crowded so went to Marina at Keppel Bay for dessert. The breeze there is awesome! Reminds me of lazing at the Club Med in Bintan beach. Had cheesecake and some chocolate peanut butter cake at Privé. The chocolate peanut butter cheesecake more than made up for missing out on peanut butter ice cream at Daily Scoop!

I'm still alive... I think

It's been a super long time since I last blogged. Perhaps I didn't feel any need to, or I had nothing to blog about. Maybe both.

Quite a lot has changed since the last time I blogged. First of all work has really changed with the 2 new people who just came in. If anything it got a lot worse, everyone is toying with leaving now, and if it materialises, things will spiral downward. I hope that either I will get adjusted quickly or things actually do get better.

It is now somewhere about 5 months as a policeman. I guess I've changed a lot too. Initially, I tried my best to not let what happens in the day to affect me after I finish my work. I guess this is sort of a self-defence mechanism to protect my emotional stability since feeling for the people I come across after the day draws to an end makes no difference anyway. After a while, I don't even have to try anymore, it just becomes routine, something that happens in my 12 hour shift. In a way, there's less of that fragility to protect anymore. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, it's just the state that things have become.

It took quite a long time but I think I've finally come to terms with shift work, even having to be recalled for whatever on my second-offs. It really bothered me in the start, not being available when everybody is, forcing the body to sleep when it doesn't want to, keeping it awake when it is not supposed to. Physically wise, I think I've adjusted to it well now, and I appreciate shift work a lot more now. I can happen to be free at times when needed where I would have to otherwise need to take leave if I were on office hours, and sometimes when I don't really feel like going out, shift work is a really convenient and valid excuse.

Yesterday was a really nice evening. Beatrice took me to Dempsey which is a really nice place but pretty inaccessible without a car. Dinner was really good. Although we didn't get to attempt suicide by chocolate cake or get drunk on ice cream I think it enough for an evening. Thanks :)

I finally bit the bullet and got a road bike end last year. To me, it's the destination of cycling if trails are not your thing. I guess at the core of most of the activities I choose, being able to do it alone is quite a big part. Perhaps growing up without lots of people around has led to this development, maybe it's the lack of a particular social gene hardwired into my DNA, maybe I chose it to be this way myself. I don't know. Cycling is a really simple activity once you get the hang of it, getting on a seat and zipping around on 2 wheels. However, it can be as complex as one wants it to be. Taking the technical route with all the various components, accessories and latest fashion that's available on the market, to refining one's endurance, cycling technique. However, presently I'm pretty unconcerned with all that, just enjoying short rides around. Enjoyment is the most important at the end of the day, regardless the path, regardless what others say/think :)

My dad was pretty worried and got me an early birthday present of a helmet which was really thoughtful. He helped me buy some stocks which I would pay him back when my unit trust funds become unfrozen. However, it went up a bit and he sold it so we could buy it back at a lower price if it drops and gave me the profit! Awfully sweet.

This post is really a mish-mash of things and the extent to which each item has been distilled is the amount of time and thought it had, with alot of the raw feeling adultered to become more subdued.

Words

Words can be wielded to brainfuck people. With so little, it can wreck so much.



Perhaps, it is the reason why I've abandoned this blog. Little words can be turned into ideas that imperceptibly shift reality into something akin yet totally apart reality.



When you dilute poison in water you don't get water, you just get alot more poison. Maybe if it just remained swirling in my head and escapes translation into words, it could just escape the contamination.