Somehow my life as a NSman has got me thinking about what it means to live as a christian. Although I've been trying really hard to not use vulgar language and all inside (it can be REALLY hard sometimes), being a christian would mean so much more than that. At first I thought I'd try to do my best in everything, but soon tiredness and sheer laziness made me give in. I still get pissed off, break the rules when nobody is looking, which doesn't make me too different from the people around me.
Yesterday was a real lesson for me on anger. There's just a thin line between playfulness and sheer stupid and offensive irritation to me. Somebody just crossed it yesterday and if it were the same me 10 years back I think I would have just gone out and choked that guy till he turned blue. It's really hard for me to think properly when the anger just floods in and pushes everything else out. I'm glad I had the opportunity to clear my head abit instead of responding to the provocation.
Not so lucky though, was the guy who I've been marching beside everyday. Almost everyone was just tired after a super long day of training and when we got back we got the most super tekan we had ever. Halfway through I was just laughing the whole thing off because I realised besides my tiredness, there wasn't really anything much to be annoyed about regarding the whole affair, knowing that it's NS afterall and such things are to be expected and endured. Well, that guy's quite a hothead and got a little impatient and nearly sparked a racial fight over a little careless reply which was taken too severely by a group of people just too ready to let off their frustrations at the earliest excuse. A short scuffle ensued but soon the group was dispersed, not without heated and hurtful exchanges though. For the time we have spent together, this whole idea of being a squad has instead proven to be so fragile.
We're all in this shit called NS together, we should build instead of tear down. Otherwise, it's just 6 weeks more anyway, before sayonara. By then, regrets will be only too late.
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